The Crush House is a very VERY cool game. In my review, I lamented how long it took me to figure out my audiences – often costing me a ton of advertisement time, and a little sanity. In an effort to BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD, I have put together this list of audiences within the game, with some information offered by the developer Nerial as to who they are.
I will also tack on some of my own personal findings, in an effort to steer you on to becoming the best reality TV producer you can possibly be and even mention relevant props you can buy for the house in bold, so you know if spending money will help. I will also call out Cast Members that appeal to a specific audience, so be aware that sometimes the game was rigged from the start.
Note, when shooting things you absolutely want to try to frame up three or more things that appeal to an audience. Doing this will give you an ‘On Fire’ bonus, where the game is telling you that you are shooting some great TV. So try and mix and match your audience seeking stuff whereever you can.
So, take a look and get ready to dominate the ratings.
Drama Queens
These viewers live for drama and the messier it is, the better. Filming fights, feuds, and fallouts will keep them glued to their screens.
Tips: This audience is about interactions. Find your housemates and film them together, particularly when tensions are rising. If you can capture an argument – or even better, a fight – you got this on lock.
Film Students
Impress these frustrated filmmakers with fancy camerawork. Don’t just stand still and point your camera at people. Get weird.
Tips: Fancy camera work is pretty easy to figure out. Zoom in on faces when people are smiling or upset, do pursuit shots where you follow a subject as they walk or climb yourself to a high point to get a dramatic angle. BUT, the real trick is using the Lock-On function to snap to a subject, and then strafing to roll the camera and skew the angle: BAM, you’ve got a Dutch Angle. They love this kind of stuff, and will absolutely tell you in the comments.
Voyeurs
For those viewers who want the thrill of seeing without being seen. You’ll have to stay out of the way of the cast to appeal to this lot.
Tips: Pretty much exactly what you’d imagine – this crowd loves everything to be creepy. Shoot people from far away, get low to the ground and even try and be behind people. I saw my greatest successes by standing outside of doorways and sneakily shooting through them, like a true pervert.
Suburban Moms
A hard audience to please. They like it sexy, but practical too. Try and strike a fine balance between the erotic and the domestic.
Tips: These ladies LOVE the cast member Emile. Put him on screen, and bam, you are well on your way to satisfaction. When he isn’t around though, they like a little romance – so see who might be making eyes at who.
Landscaping Lovers
Some people aren’t interested in human nature, and would rather watch actual nature. The greener parts of the mansion will help.
Tips: Plants. Flowers. Bushes. This audience has a green thumb, and you can mostly work towards pleasing them by trying to frame up your cast near some greenery. If they are in the backyard, you can get tons of cool plants in the shot – just mix up your angles occasionally to get some new flora in the shot. One special note, a prop within the house is a Watering Can, that you’d imagine would please this crew a lot. The only issue is that I never saw a cast member use it, and the landscaping audience just ended up begging someone, ANYONE TO WATER THE DAMN PLANTS. Maybe stick to just capturing the classic flowers instead and save some money.
The Wholesome
Some people tune in for the messy stuff. Tension, fighting, drama. But for others, it’s the simpler, purer moments that keep them watching.
Tips: The Wholesome viewers just love to see stuff being chill. They love to see people hanging out, sitting, talking – just regular day to day stuff. If you catch people hanging out near the Hugging Statue (if you have purchased it) you might want to head over and film a hug or two. Otherwise, just avoid fights.
Butt Guys
Sometimes, all it takes is a butt. Point your camera at the cast’s ass-ets and these viewers will find it impossible to tune out.
Tips: I don’t think I need to explain this one, but here goes: Film Butts. If for some reason you don’t WANT to film a butt, you can purchase a Peach Pillow for the living area and it will get you some points. One of the easiest audiences to please.
Plumbers
Water way to spend your free time. This audience is less interested in romance and more concerned with the mansion’s pipework.
Tips: Ah, plumbers. You weird and wonderful folk. One of the first ‘niche’ audiences that are introduced in the game, this crew is all about the water works. Film sinks, ponds, pools, aquariums – they love it all. A special mention goes to the massive pipes down in your producer hovel, they love that kind of stuff. But fair warning, nobody else really finds it all that interesting.
Schadenfreuders
This portion of our audience delights in the misfortune of others. If someone’s having a bad time, they’re having a good time.
Tips: A little tough to capture, but the Schadenfreuders love when stuff goes wrong. When a conversation takes a turn to the awkward and someone gets ostracized, they love it. A tip that I have: When you see someone sitting at the fire pit by themselves, most of the time it is because they are waiting for someone else to turn up and then immediately make them leave with an awkward “Uh, I am going to go somewhere else now.”
Musicians
Some of our cast are more musically inclined than others. You’ll have to pay close attention to see who can hold a tune.
Tips: The backyard stage is your main anchor for this crowd. Turn the music on and film in proximity of the sound. If people are talking at the stage, even better. Once you have a little cash in your pocket and have perhaps unlocked the Karaoke Machine, cross your fingers and hope that someone outs on a show. Cast Member Joyumi is keen to perform when given the chance, and Cast Member Veer might even play the Saxophone if you can unlocked it. Otherwise, just film within range of the tunes.
Girls for Girls
It’s ladies night and the feeling’s right. Film the fairer sex, and the bonds they form, to appease this corner of the audience.
Tips: Ladies who love seeing ladies. For the most part, film women – and especially, women interacting with women. A trick I noticed, is that a special ‘thirst’ request will be someone saying “I wish to be in her ORBIT!” – so lock the camera and circle around a lady to give them what they want.
Art Collectors
You’ll have to develop an artistic eye to please this audience. Don’t just think about the small details, but the bigger picture as well…
Tips: Statues, paintings, fancy stuff around the house. If it looks “artsy”, you will likely get credit for filming it.
Teens
Most teens have yet to develop a sophisticated sense of humour, so make sure you appeal to their basest urges as you film.
Tips: The teens demographic is a wild one. Basically imagine an immature younger brother and think about what might please them. Butts work, as do whacky interactions – one scripted event will see a Cast Member do a really weird dance to annoy others, so if you see that going on, you got a winner.
Nursing Home Residents
Old people like things familiar. Cosy. They don’t want extreme emotion, they want comfort and living vicariously through the cast.
Tips: The elderly like seeing people sitting down and having a nice chat. Interior spaces are nice, but mostly just see a group of people having a friendly talk while seated.
The Motion Sick
Do. Not. Move. These viewers will blow major chunks if your filming is too chaotic. Think calm, static, motionless. Embrace the void.
Tips: I liked these guys, because it almost an anti-audience. It’s not about what you DO, it is about what you DON’T do. So, simply put:
- Don’t film from up high
- Stay still while you are filming
- Do close, intimate shots
- Maybe even crouch, to make the shot even steadier
Libertarians
Don’t tread on these guys. They’re a curious bunch, oddly fascinated by torches and broken things, and they really love Gunther.
Tips: Bunch of weirdoes. They like dangerous stuff – so filming fire is a great start. As the description above says, they like the Cast Member Gunther, so if he is in the house try and capture him taking or monologuing about things important to him. Otherwise, you’ll get dribs and drabs from filming group interactions.
Pyromaniacs
Fire! Fire! Fire! If something is burning in any capacity, these flame freaks wanna see it. They are not a hard audience to please.
Tips: ILLUMINATION BY INCINERATION! This is dead easy – they like fire. To help with this, there are a few fiery offerings around the house. A conversation by the firepit is a great way to knock this out real quick, just do a nice wiiiiide shot to get the firepit AND the torches on either side. You can also purchase some Fire Torches as a prop for the poolside, opening up another filming area. They also have a thirst for a particular Garden Gnome wielding a flamethrower, if you have that unlocked.
Foot Fetishists
Some people like butts. Some prefer boobs. But these people? Feet, baby. Feet all the way. Better get low with that camera.
Tips: Like butt guys, only with feet. This is also a freebie – because if you manage to film a group conversation, and juuust so happen to aim the camera down a smidge, you’ll get a huge bonus for filming all those grippers. They also have a thirst for a barefoot Garden Gnome. Weird. If you manage to roll a day with Butt Guys AND Foot Fetishists, you’ll likely knock out your satisfaction level before lunch.
Gym Rats
For this audience, the music must be loud and the gains must be stacked. If someone’s working out, you better be there to film it.
Tips: Gym Rats love getting a good PUMP on. In the upstairs area, there are weights that some cast members will gravitate towards. Film people sweating, and you’ll be on your way. For a big play, buy the Weight Set for the backyard and film with music playing – big gym energy.
Divorced Dads
If there’s one thing dads love, it’s grilling meat on a hot surface outdoors. But they’re complex: they love strong male emotions too.
Tips: If you have managed to unlock The Grill in the backyard, your divorced dad crowd will be intensely pleased. If not, that is no problem – try and catch some dudes having a soulful conversation, or using weights.
Foodies
Grub. Scran. Fare. Chow. Nosh. Whatever you choose to call human fuel, these people want to see it on their screens, constantly.
Tips: Food. Just film food. Every now and then, one of your Cast Members might whip a cheeseburger out of their ass and eat it – capture this, and you will be laughing. If you have unlocked some cooking areas in the house, see if anyone is whipping up grub. But otherwise, just film the dang food.
Juice Junkies
Aaaaah, the cool, refreshing taste of Crush Juice. These viewers can’t get enough of the stuff, and honestly, who can blame them.
Tips: Crush Juice stations are all over the house, so try and frame one up when you are doing a shot. You can also catch the odd cast member sinking a can of the delicious, not-worryingly green fluid, so listen for the cue and try and catch it.
Sybarites
For some, luxury isn’t just an occasional treat to be savoured: it’s as important as water. Film the finer things to keep them sweet.
Tips: Big flexers, these dorks love opulent and expensive things. Big artworks can work, such as the Statues in the garden, but if you have purchased the Chandelier you will have a big time option ready to go. They also oddly like the toilet? Because it is fancy, I think?
The Activists
Not everyone watches the show for fun, you know. These viewers have a special interest in a particular item in the mansion.
Tips: Crush juice. They don’t like it. Film it, so they can rage-watch the show and complain about it.
The Cynics
Some viewers’ tastes are more inscrutable than others. What drives the cynics? You’ll have to think about this one carefully.
Tips: The cynics are a fun crowd, if only because they seem to be watching the show as some kind of self torture. They will roll their eyes at romance within the show, claiming it to be manufactured and fake – but a cool free option to ‘appeal’ to them is filming the Chorbies around the mansion if you have bought them. They will roll their eyes aggressively at these things, but by that point it is too late – they are engaged and give you what you want.
Mega Fans
These are the viewers who want to go deeper than the rest and really get to know the cast. They’re suckers for branded merch too.
Tips: Mega fans love The Crush House – so try and film things that are branded and intrinsic to the show. Film the giant Crush House logo by the pool, Crush Juice stations – even the Success Slide. If it just screams ‘Crush House’, they will dig it.
Spiral Seekers
It’s not a loop, it’s a spiral. This audience likes things twisty, so study your surroundings and find unique ways to please them.
Tips: A fun one, these whackos love twisty spirals. So, you treat this a bit like a visual exercise – where do spirals appear? Well, the Success Slide is a big spiral, and the Crush Juice stations have a spinny motif to them. Some other fun ones include the big shade umbrellas by the pool – climb high enough and you will see they have a twist on them also. There is also a rug in the lounge, but it’s a pain to film.
Conspiracy Theorists
Some of our viewers are convinced there’s more to the show than meets the eye. All complete nonsense, of course. Unless…
Tips: The truth is out there. Or rather, coming from inside the house. Conspiracy nuts question stuff about the show and think there is some deep secret to it all. Psh. What do they know. Try filming Crush Juice stations, and the Success Slide as a start – but if you look to the hills behind the house, you will see a big satellite dish for broadcasting the show. They like that.
Glitched
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Tips: I think the gimmick is that these are supposed to be bots watching the show for…whatever reason. Something that regularly makes them happy was the same satellite dish I showed to the Conspiracy Theorists – they will also appreciate taking a look at the computer screen in your producer hovel.
Boys for Boys
If you want to please this audience you’re gonna have to keep your camera on the boys. Boys kissing, boys being friends, you name it.
Tips: Film boys. Men. Dudes. Guys. If they are smooching? Bonus points.
Fish Freaks
For some people, the creatures that dwell‘ neath the sea are more interesting than any landlubber. Where’s that aquarium?
Tips: Fish people love fish. Early on, you will notice that there is an empty aquarium in the house – if you purchase the Fish as a prop to fill it up, bam, easy pickings. If not, you can always turn your camera to the surf down on the beach and get some freebie fish points that way. Also, hilariously, the fish guys also love the mesh top worn by Cast Member Coco. Because obviously…it’s fishnet.
Slow TV Fans
Time to take it easy. No stress, no headaches, just serene vibes. Match the pace of these laid back viewers and they’ll love you.
Tips: Simple shots, still and calm. Film over the serene pond in the backyard, and catch some cosy vibes as people hang out and shoot the shit. And easy one, just take your energy levels down and film like you are trying to please the Motion Sick crowd.
Pharologists
We don’t judge peoples’ tastes here. If there are viewers out there who are really into lighthouses, we will show them some lighthouses.
Tips: Lighthouses. I thought this was an oddly niche audience, until I saw the giant lighthouse out on the coast. And unlocked the Lighthouse Statue in the garden. And the Lighthouse Ornament in the fish tank. There are a ton of lighthouses around the set, so you won’t struggle to find one once you have done some unlocking.
Crush Fans
Your standard Crush House viewer. As long as there’s something on the screen, they’ll be happy. Don’t worry about getting fancy.
Tips: The free square on your bingo sheet. They are happy to be watching, so as long as you have the cast on screen, you are golden.
That concludes this mammoth list of all the potential audiences you can encounter within The Crush House. You will likely discover even more unique ways to charm these wily demographics, because the game really is that deep when it comes to the number of weird and wonderful ways you can film your house. Know your thirsts, combine your shots – and you’ll be a reality TV god in no time.
